Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Reflecting on the Past Few Days

Today I am reflecting on the past few days. First we had an emergency with CoCo Puff our 13+ year old dog. She was vomiting and had bloody diarrhea. We took her to the Vet on Saturday, Of course your mind always thinks you may get bad news because of her age. Well not the case, blood work was fantastic for her age and it just happens she got into something that tore up her intestinal track. She is doing very well and that is a picture of her this morning when we were taking a walk in the yard. The chickens joined us along with a buck while we were taking our walk. Even Andee posed for me under the ladder. As I walked with the loves of my life, I thought about the news that I was handed yesterday. I was told by my Social Security Disability Lawyer that my wait for yet another answer and hearing will be 12-18 months. I got a turn down letter in the mail Saturday when CoCo Puff was so sick. I have one more decision out there I am waiting on that they have had for nearly 6 months. I was told this decision can also take 12-18 months. For those of you who don't know how long I have been waiting at this point, it has been two years and nine months. So now yet another 12-18 months of wait....needless to say it hit me hard. Life is very precious to me, I could of nearly died, I am 59 and I am not getting younger. We have been struggling financially and have dipped into every reserve we had. This has not been an easy process and also dealing with several disabilities that don't allow me to be able to work. I had open heart surgery three years ago next month for a Thoracic Aortic Aneurysm along with replacing my aortic valve with a mechanical one. I have a genetic condition involving my arteries called Cystic Medial Degeneration, my arteries under stress and blood pressure elevations will cause peeling inside therefor causing another aneurysm. My legs have severe varicose veins which I can not stand for more than 30 minutes or sit for more than 30 minutes or I have trouble walking and have pain. My shoulders have arthritis, bursitis, and weakened rotor cuffs, which give me a lot of pain along with limited motion in my arms. No lifting over the head for me and I suffer with pain everyday. I am on pain management to just tolerate the pain. I am also a diabetic and take medication for that and I do have that under control. Well Social Security thinks I can still work, sit at a desk with my bad legs propped up under the desk and get up every time I have to and take a break and walk around. Well propping my legs under my desk will not stop the swelling and pain. The legs have to be properly propped at heart level or above the heart in order to avoid swelling and discomfort. I do not want to go back to the days of swelling and pain because of standing on my feet all day long....I suffered so very much with that. But once again Social Security Disability wants me to do that. So here I am in the hurry up and wait mode of a process that I feel is so unfair. One thing they must realize, I have paid into that program for over 35 years, I am only asking for something I paid for. I am not a quitter, I tried to go back to work but I just could not handle anymore suffering nor do I want to chance getting another aneurysm. It was a very difficult decision for me to make. Now another 12-18 months for yet another decision....pretty soon I will be 62 and then there won't be any wait, just praying my husband can get himself through that time. He has a heart condition and degenerative arthritis of the spine. I pray he makes this wait too!!

So today I think about the wait, I do have a plan which I think will get me by and I will keep myself busy doing that, listing and selling my artwork and some collectibles on Etsy. I am thankful my little dog is doing so much better and the best news of all this morning on the phone.....My Daughter Melissa and her husband Jay have got a house to move into, they have been living in a tent in his folks backyard. So very happy for that news!! Things could always be worse, I am alive, I have a roof over my head, I have a husband who supports me and takes care of me, I have a good life here, and I am truly thankful for my family and friends that I love dearly.....Bless all of you who have touched my life, I will be forever grateful...xoxoxoxo


carlanda brown williamson said...

oh deb, i can't say i love this post, because i wanted this time, to hear they approved you :( but i am hoping the next time for sure. i have heard of a lot of people that have nothing wrong with them, and somehow they get it. just isn't fair. i am glad for your little doggy and hope that your beautiful artwork sells like hotcakes! xo

QueenBe said...

Debbie, I can feel your worry and frustration in your post. I am so sorry. You have such a kind heart and it is only fair that you should get what you have put into. So frustrating. You are right, think of the positive... and I know there are alot of positive things for you to count~

Marlene said...

Deb, I am so sorry to hear about all of this ,It is just not fair. I know what you are going through I have heart problems myself with high blood pressure and degerantive disc diseasse. I have been lucky enough to be able to keep working Keep your faith and God will provide for you. Sometimes I know it seems hard because there seems to be no rhyme or reason. My prayers are with you and I am grateful Coco Puff was okay. XOXOXo

Sugar Lump Studios said...

Keeping my fingers crossed for you Debbie. I understand the frustration!
I hope your little poochie is well!
We have a frustrating day here in my brother's #SS retirement mess.